Tuesday, July 28, 2009

100 Reasons to Hate Chris Barnes


1) He's Chris Barnes. Do you need any more reasons that that?
2) He's ugly as fuck.
3) He's a terrible vocalist.
4) Six Feet Under sucks huge balls.
5) Cannibal Corpse wrote better songs after he left.
6) All of his songs sound better with George Fisher on the mic.
7) Chris Barnes produced the worst lyrical compositions known to man.
8) He shoves pro-marijuana propaganda down our throats.
9) The fuckin' guy can't even sing without smoking pot first.
10) He's talentless.
11) He's worse than every single one of his contemporaries.
12) He wrote a song called "Shot in the Head".
13) He actually thinks he's good.
14) He thinks he's better than George Fisher (What's that smell? Must be bullshit!)
15) Six Feet Under's guitarwork takes almost no skill to play.
16) Six Feet Under's basswork takes almost no skill to play.
17) Six Feet Under's drumwork takes almost no skill to play.
18) He brought in Ice-T to rap on one song. I repeat, Ice-T RAPS in Six Feet Under.
19) He probably smells really bad.
20) His dreads make him look like a pussy.
21) He doesn't shower.
22) When he first started Cannibal Corpse, he wanted to play the bass.
23) HAHAHA seriously?! LOL @ bass.
24) He only growls because he wasn't talented enough to sing, according to him.
25) He's full of himself.
26) He records horrible death metal covers of classic songs, disgracing them.
27) He made an entire album of those called Graveyard Classics.
28) Later, his band went back in the studio and created Graveyard Classics 2. Ugh.
29) They recorded a cover of Back in Black by AC/DC in its entirety. Fuck.
30) He thinks it's ok that he ruined one of the best rock albums in history.
31) Anyone with a low voice can growl like Chris Barnes effortlessly.
32) Six Feet Under has 8 original studio albums. WHY?!
33) No one has attempted to assassinate Chris Barnes yet... and they should have.
34) He writes songs about raping children.
35) He writes songs about necrophilia.
36) Jim Carrey cracking his neck grosses out Chris Barnes.
37) He looks stupid. He probably can't spell.
38) He would make a terrible babysitter.
39) He makes other people with his name feel ashamed.
40) He's fucking fat as shit.
41) He joined a Six Feet Under cover band, Torture Killer.
42) He performed covers of his own songs, in a different band. What's the point?!
43) He's useless to the world.
44) He can't multiply 14567 x 6783 in his head.
45) Nor can he divide those two numbers in his head.
46) ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CHRIS BARNES LOL!
47) He's part of the worst band of all time.
48) He didn't unlock Vincent's Turk outfit.
49) He originates near Canada. Meaning, he can't form a band. Unless he's in Rush.
50) No one wants to wear a Chris Barnes shirt.
51) No one wants to wear ANYTHING with Chris Barnes's face on it.
52) Especially not Chris Barnes underwear.
53) I would feel comfortable using Chris Barnes toiletpaper though.
54) His mind is in the gutter.
55) He lives in Beverly Hills, California. What the fuck.
56) If he's rich enough to live there, he doesn't deserve it.
57) The world is a worse place because of him.
58) He exposes new metal listeners to shitty music.
59) He gives death metal a bad name.
60) He doesn't have the ability to sing/growl fast.
61) Smoking too much weed killed all his brain cells.
62) I told you to hate him.
63) Hypothetically, he could murder your whole family.
64) There's a "Best of Six Feet Under" album, whose title is a misnomer.
65) He didn't play Psychonauts.
66) He hasn't accomplished anything, yet is known.
67) He doesn't know all the words to "The Toxic Waltz".
68) Six Feet Under is in the studio right now recording *gulp* Graveyard Classics 3.
69) I almost vomited when I wrote that.
70) It's coming out THIS YEAR.
71) Any song sung by Chris Barnes would sound terrible.
72) He can't shoot a bullet with another bullet, blindfolded, while riding a horse.
73) His mother's a whore.
74) He enjoys sodomy.
75) Anal Cunt wrote an awesome song called "Chris Barnes is a Pussy".
76) His vocals are incomprehensible most of the time.
77) He's not cool.
78) If you asked to borrow his car, he'd say no.
79) He has huge, disgusting gauges in his ears.
80) Death Rituals is the worst abomination of an album ever conceived.
81) Death Rituals is so bad, it deserves another line.
82) "Death By Machete"
83) "Involuntary Movement of Dead Flesh"
84) "None Will Escape"
85) "Eulogy for the Undead"
86) "Seed of Filth"
87) "Bastard"
88) "Into the Crematorium"
89) "Shot in the Head"
90) "Killed in Your Sleep"
91) "Crossroads to Armageddon"
92) "Ten Deadly Plagues"
93) "Crossing the River Styx"
94) "Murder Addiction"
95) These songs are already terrible musically, but c'mon... those titles... really?
96) His songs are repetitive as hell and drag on incessantly.
97) The intro at the beginning of "Shot in the Head" is way too long.
98) I have nothing good to say about Chris Barnes.
99) He has perfected his killing technique.
100) Barnes-fest would be a terrible music festival.

30 comments:

  1. He hasn't played Psychonauts? The man must be executed. Lol though he does seem to fill out all the stereotypes I have about Metal so I'm glad to see that people in metal dislike their own stereotypes.

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  2. Yeah, I could see him being a terrible babysitter.

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  3. 101: He's wearing a Six Feet Under shirt in that picture... who the fuck does that?

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  5. you should stick to what you like, and forget about what you don't like.
    I dislike deathcore but I don't "hate".
    what I'm saying is, you may dislike chris barnes, but why hate him? I personally like him, and his music .

    And why the fuck does this " Six Feet Under's guitarwork takes almost no skill to play." has to do with him. I mean, A song is only good if it's hard to play?

    "The man must be executed." / "He's wearing a Six Feet Under shirt in that picture..." I have six feet under shirts and I'm glad I bought it, I gave my support to a band I really enjoy to listen.
    the guy who wrote that must be retarded or had serious issues as a child

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  6. you realy went thru all that cuz of chris banres?? i think u luv the guy myself.

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  7. what? his mother is a whore? maybe your mother is a whore. if you say that his songs are bad why don't you play them hah? cannibal corpse was the top selling band when chris barnes was in the band. why don't you make a and and cover his songs.you say that everyone that has a low voice can growl like him. kets see how you will do that bitch

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  8. I Like a few of his songs. But I agree his lyrics go way overboard..

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  9. who the fuck is this nigga ! Chris Barnes is the most best vocalist in Death Metal scene. you don't have a right to say anything bad about him- what he writes about raping children, necrophilia or else ? can you write a simple sentence in that theme.. you can't , you can't even create a fucking bitch whore sound.... i'm a big fan of BARNES ! since he was in cannibal corpse and even till today. and do remember your opinion doesn't matter to us. we appreciate him and we all death metal fans support him, and love him that matters him.... and yes ! try to cover his song ! you'll know it .. covering Chris Barnes is like eating hot melting metal... which no one can do.... CHRIS BARNES (SIX FEET UNDER RULES) ... lmxml

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  10. who the fuck is this nigga ! Chris Barnes is the most best vocalist in Death Metal scene. you don't have a right to say anything bad about him- what he writes about raping children, necrophilia or else ? can you write a simple sentence in that theme.. you can't , you can't even create a fucking bitch whore sound.... i'm a big fan of BARNES ! since he was in cannibal corpse and even till today. and do remember your opinion doesn't matter to us. we appreciate him and we all death metal fans support him, and love him that matters him.... and yes ! try to cover his song ! you'll know it .. covering Chris Barnes is like eating hot melting metal... which no one can do.... CHRIS BARNES (SIX FEET UNDER RULES) ... lmxml

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  11. whats wrong with playing Bass guitar?

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  12. Tío, vaya puta mierda de blog, que pasó le pediste una cita al Barnes y te dijo que no?

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  13. Tío, vaya puta mierda de blog, que pasó le pediste una cita al Barnes y te dijo que no?

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  14. Cannibal corpse now has some cheesy song titles, hell when Barnes was singing for them some of the songs were a lot darker lyrically, with songs like entrails ripped from a virgins cunt, fucked with a knife, meathook sodomy. He pushed the envelope with songs like that, getting banned from countries because of the songs you wrote, any publicity is good publicity.
    I watched interviews from other bands saying Chris Barnes was a big influence on them as a vocalist, I watched an interview with Trevor strand from black dahlia murder were he said he first heard of cannibal corpse and was going to buy tomb of the multilated but was a afraid of it , the cover and the song titles.
    Chris Barnes is doing it he is touring, making albums, selling merch, doing interviews.
    So don't be a bitch because someone is doing more than you are.

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    1. I forgot to mention that you must be a fucking loser and psychopath if you like SFU or CC type shit.

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  16. Lol chris barnes is better than youll ever be. Run along now.

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  17. Even I am moslem,I like SFU music.

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  18. Pretty much all death metal sucks...at least about 90% of it anyway...how you can tell one band from another is beyond me,it all sounds exactly the same & I do agree Chris Barnes sucks & his mother is a huge whore (which isn’t really a bad thing unless your Chris Barnes’ dad) I personally like whores but that’s just me,some people like death metal...see what I’m saying?

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  19. what a pile of shit, chris barnes is my dad and ur fucked

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  20. Whoever wrote this seems like a wayyyy bigger asshole than chris could ever be. Your number one reason is enough to discredit your statement completely. I'll bet anything your most likely one of those huge pieces of shit called Christians.whats worse than chris, a fucking Christian. Go ahead and take my post down. I could give 2 shits.

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  21. Fuck you punk he kicks ass I'll bury u.....

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    1. You're a lowlife piece of garbage who doesn't have a nickel and you talking about somebody you can buy anything he wants top of his trade I bet you're a little square piece of crapin easily buried you lowlife little punk when I 1st heard your comment I wanted to sock you right in your face OK no I

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  22. You fucken low life piece of garbage I'd like to put you 6'feet under you stink you suck and everything you said was a lie hes good looking top of his class singer in a trade it's very hard to do but you fail to realize all that good you're a brainless worthless piece of garbage U fuck eat shit and die please I'll blast you with my gadge in the face I hope you like my very honest pist......

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  23. Sounds like a bunch of haters

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  24. Six feet under, cannibal corpse love them the world would be a better place if more people were like chris barns . 666

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  25. lmao i'm with you, barnes is a pussy

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