100 Reasons to Hate Chris Barnes

1) He's Chris Barnes. Do you need any more reasons that that?

2) He's ugly as fuck.

3) He's a terrible vocalist.

4) Six Feet Under sucks huge balls.

5) Cannibal Corpse wrote better songs after he left.

6) All of his songs sound better with George Fisher on the mic.

7) Chris Barnes produced the worst lyrical compositions known to man.

8) He shoves pro-marijuana propaganda down our throats.

9) The fuckin' guy can't even sing without smoking pot first.

10) He's talentless.

11) He's worse than every single one of his contemporaries.

12) He wrote a song called "Shot in the Head".

13) He actually thinks he's good.

14) He thinks he's better than George Fisher (What's that smell? Must be bullshit!)

15) Six Feet Under's guitarwork takes almost no skill to play.

16) Six Feet Under's basswork takes almost no skill to play.

17) Six Feet Under's drumwork takes almost no skill to play.

18) He brought in Ice-T to rap on one song. I repeat, Ice-T RAPS in Six Feet Under.

19) He probably smells really bad.

20) His dreads make him look like a pussy.

21) He doesn't shower.

22) When he first started Cannibal Corpse, he wanted to play the bass.

23) HAHAHA seriously?! LOL @ bass.

24) He only growls because he wasn't talented enough to sing, according to him.

25) He's full of himself.

26) He records horrible death metal covers of classic songs, disgracing them.

27) He made an entire album of those called Graveyard Classics.

28) Later, his band went back in the studio and created Graveyard Classics 2. Ugh.

29) They recorded a cover of Back in Black by AC/DC in its entirety. Fuck.

30) He thinks it's ok that he ruined one of the best rock albums in history.

31) Anyone with a low voice can growl like Chris Barnes effortlessly.

32) Six Feet Under has 8 original studio albums. WHY?!

33) No one has attempted to assassinate Chris Barnes yet... and they should have.

34) He writes songs about raping children.

35) He writes songs about necrophilia.

36) Jim Carrey cracking his neck grosses out Chris Barnes.

37) He looks stupid. He probably can't spell.

38) He would make a terrible babysitter.

39) He makes other people with his name feel ashamed.

40) He's fucking fat as shit.

41) He joined a Six Feet Under cover band, Torture Killer.

42) He performed covers of his own songs, in a different band. What's the point?!

43) He's useless to the world.

44) He can't multiply 14567 x 6783 in his head.

45) Nor can he divide those two numbers in his head.

46) ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CHRIS BARNES LOL!

47) He's part of the worst band of all time.

48) He didn't unlock Vincent's Turk outfit.

49) He originates near Canada. Meaning, he can't form a band. Unless he's in Rush.

50) No one wants to wear a Chris Barnes shirt.

51) No one wants to wear ANYTHING with Chris Barnes's face on it.

52) Especially not Chris Barnes underwear.

53) I would feel comfortable using Chris Barnes toiletpaper though.

54) His mind is in the gutter.

55) He lives in Beverly Hills, California. What the fuck.

56) If he's rich enough to live there, he doesn't deserve it.

57) The world is a worse place because of him.

58) He exposes new metal listeners to shitty music.

59) He gives death metal a bad name.

60) He doesn't have the ability to sing/growl fast.

61) Smoking too much weed killed all his brain cells.

62) I told you to hate him.

63) Hypothetically, he could murder your whole family.

64) There's a "Best of Six Feet Under" album, whose title is a misnomer.

65) He didn't play Psychonauts.

66) He hasn't accomplished anything, yet is known.

67) He doesn't know all the words to "The Toxic Waltz".

68) Six Feet Under is in the studio right now recording *gulp* Graveyard Classics 3.

69) I almost vomited when I wrote that.

70) It's coming out THIS YEAR.

71) Any song sung by Chris Barnes would sound terrible.

72) He can't shoot a bullet with another bullet, blindfolded, while riding a horse.

73) His mother's a whore.

74) He enjoys sodomy.

75) Anal Cunt wrote an awesome song called "Chris Barnes is a Pussy".

76) His vocals are incomprehensible most of the time.

77) He's not cool.

78) If you asked to borrow his car, he'd say no.

79) He has huge, disgusting gauges in his ears.

80) Death Rituals is the worst abomination of an album ever conceived.

81) Death Rituals is so bad, it deserves another line.

82) "Death By Machete"

83) "Involuntary Movement of Dead Flesh"

84) "None Will Escape"

85) "Eulogy for the Undead"

86) "Seed of Filth"

87) "Bastard"

88) "Into the Crematorium"

89) "Shot in the Head"

90) "Killed in Your Sleep"

91) "Crossroads to Armageddon"

92) "Ten Deadly Plagues"
93) "Crossing the River Styx"
94) "Murder Addiction"

95) These songs are already terrible musically, but c'mon... those titles... really?

96) His songs are repetitive as hell and drag on incessantly.

97) The intro at the beginning of "Shot in the Head" is way too long.

98) I have nothing good to say about Chris Barnes.

99) He has perfected his killing technique.

100) Barnes-fest would be a terrible music festival.